I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Sorry my hands just texted you
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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