I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
