kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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