my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize