hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
