I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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