I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
