I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
