Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
