I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
