I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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