I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
