Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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