Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
