Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
