East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
