So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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