Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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