I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm at about main and main street
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
