My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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