If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
