i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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