he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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