apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
