I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
