when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
