I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
