u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
