having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
