And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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