I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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