# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
