I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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