he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
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