Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
