I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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