scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
