I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
