Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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