i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
