I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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