I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
