rhymes with "ouble enetration"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
