Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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