You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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