Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
