my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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