the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
There's always time for handjobs
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
