Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
