Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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