we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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