i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize