wrigley field is MILF paradise
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
