And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
