Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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