Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
