Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
