i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
