How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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