dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
