My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
my liver is dry heaving
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
