you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
