God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
