My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize