Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
