I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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