i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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