It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize