My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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