Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
