she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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