I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
