yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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