when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
