I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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