I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
