We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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