So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
