Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
