You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
