last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
