i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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