Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize