I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
