I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
