Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
