I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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