I met the friendliest cop last night
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
