from now on my penis is your penis
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
