hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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