What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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