You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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