Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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