a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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