I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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