I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
