she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
