my mouth tastes like poor choices
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
