Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize