If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
now i know why i became what i already was.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
