If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
