I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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