Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
