i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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