Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
