Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
