ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Your dad touched me again.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
