he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
