Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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