Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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