Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Randomize
