Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
